I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
