sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
