i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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