His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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