How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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