probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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