Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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