I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
