I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
