I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
how does that bad decision feel?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
