i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
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