Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
