i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
