oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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