Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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