There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
