I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
