I was born with a shot glass in my hand
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
