This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
