considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
