Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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