billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
