Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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