i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
