Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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