You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
