Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
