i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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