we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
