i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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