Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
