I think I am morally bankrupt
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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