just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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