I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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