Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
