Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
im on a boat
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