And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
