This girl is more easily done than said...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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