No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
