All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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