nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
