No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Never underestimate the power of titties
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
