Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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