I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
well you can't waste a boner
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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