kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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