i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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