im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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