this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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