Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
