Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
