thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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