Kiss
Puke
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
