Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
