by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
