He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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