you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
When did angry sex become our thing?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
