She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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