I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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