What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
