So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
