There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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