Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
