the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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