i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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