I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
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