I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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