i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
