you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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