its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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