bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
