Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
