no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
