Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize