that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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