i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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