I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize