defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
