I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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