I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My bed smells like the plague
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
