my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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