it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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