So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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