anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
