When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
