i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
