you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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