hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
