They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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