Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
