My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
