Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
