please come you make the beer taste better
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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