No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
