May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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