He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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