So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
