then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
