i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
