Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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