bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
