hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize