If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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