Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
