I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
