Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
