I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
